As I was sitting outside the ICU, I was feeling a lot of dread.
My father had been recently admitted to the hospital & my brother and I were
taking turns at staying at the hospital.
There was nothing much to do there and I was sitting waiting in the lounge if
in any case the doctor, nurse or my dad needed me. My
dad in the meanwhile was in the ICU under observation after the surgery (not too worrisome)
attached to a few drips & tubes.
I was not used to this at all.
Since I didn't have much to do, except sit there, my monkey mind was running wild.
I was getting all sorts of dreadful thoughts.
But then I remembered from my learning earlier that if I was getting
negative thoughts, I could visualize differently from what the current situation was and it
would definitely ease out and manifest.
I did have positive results earlier by doing that, when I wanted some positive things to happen
And I felt that I could have a positive result even for this situation.
So I did as I had learnt and I tried to remember all sorts of positive things that had occurred earlier in my life.
I pictured the images of the positive outcomes in my head and remembered the positive feelings I had when some great things had worked out for me earlier.
Because of remembering/recollecting those days , after sometime, I started to feel good.
Then I started to imagine what I wanted for my father -
a healthy, happy dad , enjoying his life, walking on his own and doing things easily.
Just by doing that, my whole energy changed.
I relaxed & felt at ease. I started to feel enthusiastic.
From then on I felt confident he would feel better soon.
The short stay at the hospital went by smoothly.
My father also got discharged very soon.
Not only that, the whole procedure of the paperwork & the other things at the hospital, cooperating nurses etc. went off very smoothly too.
Not just any action.....take only inspired action.
And the key here is to feel 'good' and inspired
How to feel inspired you ask????
Do anything, literally anything .....to feel good.
Listen to your favorite song or watch a video or think beautiful memories.
Once you have the good feelings which is the 1st step, then think about the task or action to take and then get inspired about that. Increase the joy of the task or action.
what would be good about doing the task?, ask yourself that question.
And whatever it may be. ...it could be either that you would enjoy the doing of the task or you would enjoy the result.
Get inspired (2nd step) about it and immediately do the task (3rd step).
Don't wait, lest the inspiration goes away.
This way you will keep moving towards your desires and goal(s) steadily.
With bated breath I stood outside my boss's cabin, wondering what was in store for me. Nervous but at the same time excited.
It was the D-day....my yearly performance review.
While I sat on the chair, my boss said -" There was a situation where you had to be in the forefront for your team and you did well."
I started to feel good. :D
And then he continued, " 'As always' and 'As was expected' of you and of your experience, you worked hard to ensure that the project runs smoothly.
I thought - The tone of his voice didn't sound very good.
He went on..... "At the same time, it was expected that you would do something different than what you did last time. Something that would put you in consideration against others for your promotion.
Unfortunately that hasn't happened."
On hearing this I felt slightly disappointed.
This statement I had been hearing several times.
Here I was putting the extra hours, burning both ends of the candle sometimes, having poor sleep, in general taking least care of my health. My stress levels were building up.
But there was this comparison with others who were doing better than me.
The burgeoning work load and the thinning team size meant that doing something "different" was probably a long way away.
There had also been similar situations and similar statements made to me that had occurred earlier and all of that really got me thinking.....
Was it worth it??
Why did my effort fall short of being good ??
Was I not good enough??
Was it because something was wrong with me?
Or was it just that i was thinking too much, that I was not upto the mark.
I have to confess, I was guilty of saying similar things to my subordinates when I was on the other side of the table.
Now I was getting a taste of my own medicine.
And the medicine tasted bitter. :(
In this competitive world I had forgotten to enjoy, unfortunately.
I went home frustrated.
And I called one of my mentors and told him of my confusion.
I asked him ...
"Why did we always have to compete?
Why did we have be in a mad rush to reach ahead of others?
Why do we always want to achieve something.
I don't feel good at all.
What should i do?? "
My mentor heard me out patiently and simply said- "The answer to this is to collaborate."
Exasperated i asked him -
Oh I do collaborate a lot of times .
And you know if I don't compete, I will be left behind others. The world will go ahead of me.
If I don't compete, I will become lazy.
But yes I do hate this constant looking over my shoulders.
I see competitive people being intolerant of mistakes, being aggressive in a not so positive way, and are willing to step on other peoples feet. Maybe I was guilty of the same sometimes."
"I do agree that being competitive makes me feel motivated to do better, yes!
But at the same time I have observed if I am able to collaborate with others and we together achieve our goals, I have realized that makes me feel good.
I feel as if my life has a purpose. I feel fulfilled, and less stressed. Also with a relaxed mind, I have observed that there is more scope for innovative ideas.
I just needed to drop the comparisons with others and be myself.
All I wanted to do is do better than my yesterday.
The competition had to be inside of me, just to energize me."
Finally, I realized I had answered my own question.
Suddenly the picture was clear in my head!
The light had dawned!
Now I knew what I wanted to do.
The answer was to COLLABORATE.
What do you want to do in your life??
"Compete?" or "Collaborate"?
The choice is yours!
The other day, one of my friends complained of muscular pain that was prevalent since 3 days.
Now I have certified in Pranic Healing, which is a type of non-intrusive/no-touch, no side-effects energetic healing.
So I decided to offer distance Pranic healing to her while she was at work. And I had given her the heads-up that I would give her the healing in the early afternoon, not mentioning a specific time.
When she met me in the evening, she asked me whether I had actually given her the healing in the afternoon since the pain had completely subsided around that time and she was very surprised with the result.
Obviously it is surprising for us, we who dont have the understanding of how the Universe works or how Universal energy works.
Pranic healing is one such modality that works and may surprise.
This was my article published in the January Newsletter of maitreya.co
The direct link is here - http://maitreya.co/articles/i-am-complete/
Time and again I have felt fearful about certain things in life, but I hadn’t really given much thought to it.
But in recent times, maybe it has been from the time I started practicing meditation, I have felt the anxiety and fear and questioned its existence more. It could be because I focused on it a lot more than I did earlier.
A year ago, a particular situation generated a tremendous amount of anxiety in me. Every day, a lot of anxiety came up. Sometimes I didn’t even understand why I felt anxious or the reason behind it. It was a horrible feeling. I just felt like avoiding the situation, but I couldn’t avoid it. It caused me so much headache (not literally) that I used saltwater baths, incense and even bought crystals, because I thought this would help the situation go away. But nothing happened, the situation stayed as is and the uneasy feeling didn’t go away.
I remember talking to Margaret about it. I said to her, “Margaret, I don’t think crystals work! Nothing changed in my life in spite of using them”. We laughed together. She insisted they worked. She told me that I might end up facing several situations in life that would test me until I understood the effectiveness of crystals. That could be possible! I would be more than happy if that happens.
Around the same time I was experiencing this debilitating anxiety, I started using different binaural beats (freely available on YouTube) for my neck pain, which was another related body pain, which got reduced to a minimum. I will write in detail later in my future posts about it.
For the anxiety, I continued with my meditation (breath meditation). Some days it helped, some days it didn’t. I faced the situation however I could. Sometimes I did not feel like meditating. At such times (which were many such days) I used guided meditations before leaving the house.
On one particular day, as was the norm, I was feeling extremely anxious and didn’t feel like facing the situation; I played this guided meditation
(again freely available on YouTube – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q2KTNiFZa2s) and within few minutes I felt so so relaxed. The feeling was of “Wholeness”, “I am whole”, I am complete”, “I don’t need anything from outside to fulfill me”, “External world cannot bother me”. This feeling was so amazing that I felt good within 10 minutes of the meditation. Then I went on to face the situation in a better manner.
At this point I am not having these situations anymore in my life and hence I can’t say if I am done with all the anxiety I could possibly have in my lifetime or my soul lifetime. I may have situations where the anxiety may rear up (as Margaret said, the energy if not completed, may come back) till I have completely exhausted it, but at this point when I remember that day, I keep reminding myself that “I AM WHOLE” and it brings me back to my present moment of fullness.
2 days ago I had the most oddest dream , a dream I never ever had before.
Recently I have been trying to note down my dreams -That day in the morning when I woke up early I tried to recollect and write my dream but I couldn't recollect anything. So giving up I went back to sleep. But this time I had very light sleep.
And I dreamt of being in the backyard of a house etc. Then later I was inside the house/ room ....there is nothing important to mention until here .
Suddenly the picture changed - mind you I was aware of the picture changing although I wasn't aware of my body. This awareness during my dream state was new for me as compared to my regular dreams.
Next thing I saw on the window in front me turning dark and then just like a movie begins, next I know I was Inside the movie experiencing each and everything .
I found myself floating on a summer day on the mountain & I also saw my shadow. I was surprised seeing my shadow and I said to myself “while astral travelling shadows are seen?? Ok maybe thats true!"
I was under the impression, I was astral travelling. :)
Then I was floating above a person , He didn’t see me. Then I saw one person standing at a grave with flowers. I passed above him & then saw him moving to go away . In a few seconds I was ahead of him and when I looked back, he had disappeared . After the whole thing, I said to myself, "Ok I am now done" and I felt as if the thing was over and I was completely aware of returning back to the body. I actually experienced the movie ending and me returning back to my body. I was aware that “that” thing was over and I immediately opened my eyes as if I was projecting and then I returned back.
As I mentioned earlier, this awareness during the dream was completely new for me.
What an odd dream?!
We had a group meditation session yesterday. It was such wonderful energy, felt peaceful immediately.
For beginners, especially, group meditation is really helpful - not only to meet like minded people but also to stay on the practice of meditation.
Some of the re-joiners that come to my class of meditation do not practice regularly at home and come back for the class hoping that it will get them on the practice again. Yes it can, but at the same time, to be consistent, it is good to practice everyday at home for minimum 15-30 minutes, before the next group class, just so that you stay on the consistent course. This is a commitment you need to do for yourself. Meeting people and hearing others experiences, getting small solutions on doubts etc. also helps in getting motivated.
The other advantage of group meditation is the group intention of peace, silence etc. which brings in more such energy easily, faster, making us feel peaceful sooner than doing that meditation individually. (But Ofcourse, sitting in meditation alone is also very good.)
The other thing I usually share with my meditation friends are things I used personally - using guided meditation videos that are so freely available online (youtube). Meditating with classical instrumental music and guided meditation videos that we like, helps to practice consistently. Time and again I have used it and it really makes my meditation enjoyable.
I have read spiritual experiences of others of how they got answers to their questions or overcame fear, illness etc., spoke with spiritual masters that are no longer in the physical body , astral travelled etc. to motivate myself.
Other things I use to stay motivated: burn agarbatti (incense) , burn camphor or essential oils while meditating.
Also listening to online videos of teachers , reading spiritual books like "Autobiography of a yogi", Apprenticed to a Himalayan master, Living with Himalayan masters - such wonderful autobiographical books etc.
So for people like us for whom practicing meditation regularly is more important for its benefits that we receive , using such tools is not blasphemy and they are not crutches. I would definitely go ahead and use it myself. They would become crutches if meditation cannot be done without them.
But if motivation is hard to come by, then definitely using these tools is worthwhile.
Every person has his/her limit, boundaries. It varies from person to person.
Some people have shorter limits/boundaries in certain areas, while some in other areas.
The defining boundaries, must be due to our varied soul journeys, the lessons we have to learn I think, although I am not sure.
Also when someone crosses that line/ boundary, we may end up hurting people, sometimes knowingly, purposely and sometimes unknowingly.
Although we need to remember at all times, that If a person crosses that/our boundary we can speak, but we should keep our hand on our heart and then speak with love in our heart/mind so that the message of us being displeased goes across honestly and we are not beating around the bush (speaking indirectly), but at the same time the hurt is lowered.
A lot of times I realize that when someone crosses our line, we have an upper edge, some kind of power over that person. But at the same time we should not 'misuse' that power!
There are only a few trips that have been 'relaxing' and enjoyable. Which is such a rare thing - Usually we need a vacation from a vacation.
Goa you really surprised me !!
The last time I visited Goa was as a 12-13 year old. That trip was forgettable. Sightseeing at the beaches in the heat (terrible) , the n-number of temples which I hardly remember.
But this time around it was completely different.
I wanted my parents to enjoy this relaxing trip along with me. And it was a memorable trip for all of us.
It started with a wonderful hotel that was so close to Siquerim beach (one end of Goa), a wonderfully clean , sparsely populated beach. The time we reached was early evening, so me and mom sat at the beach with the wind blowing in our face and it was so refreshing.This time we planned not to visit all the beaches , especially in the hot afternoon sun. And it was a good decision. The beaches of Goa are so clean, such a far cry from Mumbai. Miramar beach which was in the center of Panjim city was clean too. We sat and enjoyed the sunset there. Can never think of sitting at Juhu Beach in Mumbai especially because of the garbage. Sad! Or else would never have to visit Goa.
Wish things change soon and we could sun-tan on Juhu beach. Well, not really sun-tan but atleast enjoy the fresh breeze. :))
The walk at Fort Aguada was a peaceful walk during early evening, sans the heat. And to come back and enjoy evening tea sitting at our open hotel space facing the beach, with the Arabian sea waves gushing (it was high tide then) and the wind blowing , it was absolutely heaven. Nature showing off its beauty!
This time we planned to visit only the two main temples and only that one famous church, It was a good decision since we didnt want to rush and sight see each and every tourist spot, we wanted to make this trip exclusive. Mom was happy visiting the Mangeshi and ShantaDurga temples :) and then off we went to St. Francis church, The temples are well known family deities of the GSB community.
At The Basilica of Bom Jesus Church, although we didn't get to see the famous St. Francis body (it is put out for display only once a year, I think, and a large number of people throng to see it) that has stayed without much deterioration, the pictures that they had put up of the body on display, made me wonder that although it was amazing that the body has stayed in that un-deteriorated state for so long, but was it really worthwhile? Oh, well!
The spice garden and the walk in those "woods" was also fun, especially seeing all the spices that we use in our cooking "live". Although the entrance fee is a little steep, I did enjoy visiting it. Its like if you decide to enjoy a place, you will, no matter what.
And then how can I forget the cashews with the skin on them. Just love the Goa cashews.
The boat ride on Mandvi river with loud music in the background was forgettable though.
Overall, it was a trip with loads of fun, relaxation and family time.
Next trip that I would like to make is to a place like Dive-agar (beach village) or so and stay at a local's house and eat the local food. Although I have been there earlier, visiting it again, would be fun.
Goa, you have hooked me on to beaches, Funny, me who never enjoyed beaches! :))
Now I know why people enjoy Goa so much.
This is a blog about my thoughts, my journey in life, insights I have had, help that I have received spiritually or otherwise, pretty much anything...