With bated breath I stood outside my boss's cabin, wondering what was in store for me. Nervous but at the same time excited.
It was the D-day....my yearly performance review. While I sat on the chair, my boss said -" There was a situation where you had to be in the forefront for your team and you did well." I started to feel good. :D And then he continued, " 'As always' and 'As was expected' of you and of your experience, you worked hard to ensure that the project runs smoothly. I thought - The tone of his voice didn't sound very good. He went on..... "At the same time, it was expected that you would do something different than what you did last time. Something that would put you in consideration against others for your promotion. Unfortunately that hasn't happened." On hearing this I felt slightly disappointed. This statement I had been hearing several times. Here I was putting the extra hours, burning both ends of the candle sometimes, having poor sleep, in general taking least care of my health. My stress levels were building up. But there was this comparison with others who were doing better than me. The burgeoning work load and the thinning team size meant that doing something "different" was probably a long way away. There had also been similar situations and similar statements made to me that had occurred earlier and all of that really got me thinking..... Was it worth it?? Why did my effort fall short of being good ?? Was I not good enough?? Was it because something was wrong with me? Or was it just that i was thinking too much, that I was not upto the mark. I have to confess, I was guilty of saying similar things to my subordinates when I was on the other side of the table. Now I was getting a taste of my own medicine. And the medicine tasted bitter. :( In this competitive world I had forgotten to enjoy, unfortunately. I went home frustrated. And I called one of my mentors and told him of my confusion. I asked him ... "Why did we always have to compete? Why did we have be in a mad rush to reach ahead of others? Why do we always want to achieve something. I don't feel good at all. What should i do?? " My mentor heard me out patiently and simply said- "The answer to this is to collaborate." Exasperated i asked him - "Collaborate !! Oh I do collaborate a lot of times . And you know if I don't compete, I will be left behind others. The world will go ahead of me. If I don't compete, I will become lazy. But yes I do hate this constant looking over my shoulders. I see competitive people being intolerant of mistakes, being aggressive in a not so positive way, and are willing to step on other peoples feet. Maybe I was guilty of the same sometimes." "I do agree that being competitive makes me feel motivated to do better, yes! But at the same time I have observed if I am able to collaborate with others and we together achieve our goals, I have realized that makes me feel good. I feel as if my life has a purpose. I feel fulfilled, and less stressed. Also with a relaxed mind, I have observed that there is more scope for innovative ideas. I just needed to drop the comparisons with others and be myself. All I wanted to do is do better than my yesterday. The competition had to be inside of me, just to energize me." Finally, I realized I had answered my own question. Suddenly the picture was clear in my head! The light had dawned! Now I knew what I wanted to do. The answer was to COLLABORATE. What do you want to do in your life?? "Compete?" or "Collaborate"? The choice is yours! |
AuthorThis is a blog about my thoughts, my journey in life, insights I have had, help that I have received spiritually or otherwise, pretty much anything... Archives
November 2021
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